Oscar Predictions

BEST PICTURE (There will be 9 nominees; listed by likelihood of nomination for ten)

1. American Hustle

2. 12 Years a Slave

3. Gravity

4. Captain Phillips

5. Nebraska

6. Wolf of Wall Street

7. Saving Mr. Banks

8. Inside Llewyn Davis

9. Dallas Buyers Club

10. Her

BEST DIRECTOR

Steve McQueen, 12 Years a Slave

David O. Russell, American Hustle

Paul Greengrass, Captain Phillips

Alfonso Cuaron, Gravity

Martin Scorsese, Wolf of Wall Street

Alternate: Joel & Ethan Coen, Inside Llewyn Davis

BEST ACTOR

Bruce Dern, Nebraska

Chiwetel Ejiofor, 12 Years a Slave

Tom Hanks, Captain Phillips

Matthew McConaughey, Dallas Buyers Club

Robert Redford, All is Lost

Alternate: Leonardo DiCaprio, Wolf of Wall Street

BEST ACTRESS

Cate Blanchett, Blue Jasmine

Sandra Bullock, Gravity

Judy Dench, Philomena

Meryl Streep, August: Osage County

Emma Thompson, Saving Mr. Banks

Alternate: Amy Adams, American Hustle

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR

Barkhad Abdi, Captain Phillips

Daniel Bruhl, Rush

Michael Fassbender, 12 Years a Slave

James Gandolfini, Enough Said

Jared Leto, Dallas Buyers Club

Alternate: Bradley Cooper, American Hustle

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

Jennifer Lawrence, American Hustle

Lupita Nyong’o, 12 Years a Slave

Julia Roberts, August: Osage County

June Squibb, Nebraska

Oprah Winfrey, Lee Daniels’ The Butler

Alternate: Sally Hawkins, Blue Jasmine

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY

12 Years a Slave

August: Osage County

Before Midnight

Captain Phillips

Wolf of Wall Street

Alternate: Philomena

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY

American Hustle

Blue Jasmine

Her

Inside Llewyn Davis

Nebraska

Alternate: Gravity

BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY

12 Years a Slave

Captain Phillips

Gravity

Inside Llewyn Davis

Nebraska

Alternate: Prisoners

BEST EDITING

12 Years a Slave

American Hustle

Captain Phillips

Gravity

Rush

Alternate: Wolf of Wall Street

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS

The Hobbit: Desolation of Smoag

Gravity

Pacific Rim

Alternate: Iron Man 3

BEST ORIGINAL SONG

“Atlas”, The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

“Let It Go”, Frozen

“My Lord Sunshine (Sunrise)”, 12 Years a Slave

Alternate: “Ordinary Love”, Mandela: A Long Walk to Freedom

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE

12 Years a Slave

All is Lost

Gravity

Her

Saving Mr. Banks

Alternate: The Book Thief

BEST SOUND EDITING

Captain Phillips

Gravity

Rush

Alternate: Iron Man 3

BEST SOUND MIXING

All is Lost

Captain Phillips

Gravity

Inside Llewyn Davis

Rush

Alternate: Lone Survivor

BEST PRODUCTION DESIGN

12 Years a Slave

American Hustle

Gravity

The Great Gatsby

Inside Llewyn Davis

Alternate: Her

BEST COSTUME DESIGN

12 Years a Slave

American Hustle

The Great Gatsby

Oz: The Great & Powerful

Saving Mr. Banks

Alternate: The Hunger Games

BEST MAKEUP

American Hustle

The Great Gatsby

The Lone Ranger

Alternate: Dallas Buyers Club

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE

The Croods

Despicable Me 2

Frozen

Monsters University

The Wind Rises

Alternate: Epic

Winter Box Office Draft Results (5/11 Update)

Stephen 
Total Profit: $481.81 million

1. Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones
    Budget: $5 million  Worldwide B.O.: $86.36 million  Profit: $73.86 million

2. Captain America: The Winter Soldier
    Budget: $170 million  Worldwide B.O.: $683.57 million  Profit: $258.57 million

3. The Lego Movie
    Budget: $60 million  Worldwide B.O.: $457.51 million  Profit: $307.51 million

4. Transcendence
    Budget: $100 million  Worldwide B.O.: $65.10 million  Profit: $(184.9) million

5. About Last Night
    Budget: $13 million  Worldwide B.O.: $49 million  Profit: $16.5 million

6. Endless Love
     Budget: $20 million  Worldwide B.O.: $32.75 million  Profit: $(17.25) million

7. Vampire Academy
     Budget: $4.1 million  Worldwide B.O.: $15.39 million  Profit: $ 5.14 million

8. Tyler Perry presents Tyler Perry’s Single Moms Club (starring Tyler Perry)
     Budget: not reported yet  Worldwide B.O.: $15.98 million  Profit: $ (?) million

9. Non-Stop
    Budget: $50 million  Worldwide B.O.: $191.36 million  Profit: $66.36 million

10. Draft Day
    Budget: $25 million  Worldwide B.O.: $26.47 million  Profit: $(36.03) million

Alternate. Veronica Mars
    Budget: $6 million  Worldwide B.O.: $3.46 million  Profit: $(11.54) million

Bomb. Robocop
    Budget: $100 million  Worldwide B.O.: $242.05 million  Profit: $(7.95) million 

Justina 
Total Profit: $(52.25) million

1. Rio 2
     Budget: $103 million  Worldwide B.O.: $413.79 million  Profit: $156.29 million

2. Divergent
    Budget: $85 million Worldwide B.O.: $250.92 million  Profit: $38.42 million

3. Monuments Men
     Budget: $70 million  Worldwide B.O.: $154.8  million  Profit: $(20.2) million

4. I, Frankenstein
    Budget: $65 million  Worldwide B.O.: $71.15 million  Profit: $(91.35) million

5. Labor Day
    Budget: $18 million  Worldwide B.O.: $14.47 million  Profit: $(30.53) million

6. The Quiet Ones
     Budget: not reported yet Worldwide B.O.: $5.9 million  Profit: $(?) million

7. A Haunted House 2
     Budget: $4 million Worldwide B.O.: $16.5 million  Profit: $6.5 million

8. Winter’s Tale
    Budget: $60 million  Worldwide B.O.: $27.4 million  Profit: $(123.6) million

9. Ride Along
    Budget: $25 million  Worldwide B.O.: $151.3 million  Profit: $88.8 million

10. Mr. Peabody and Sherman
     Budget: $145 million  Worldwide B.O.: $265.91 million  Profit: $(96.59) million

Alternate. St. Vincent
     Budget: not reported yet

Bomb. Noah
    Budget: $125 million Worldwide B.O.: $332.51 million  Profit: $20.01 million

LIE WITH ME

I do not own the above picture.  Copyright Brandi Brothers Productions.  All Rights Reserved.

                The worst thing a movie can do is not try.  Not try to be anything other than a 100 minute piece of fleeting entertainment that you may laugh at once or twice and tell your friends about just how “good” it is.  Then said friend sees the movie & screams at their friend “IDENTITY THIEF is awful!”

            But I digress.  What is a movie tries and fails miserably?  And by miserably, I mean there is nothing positive to say about the movie that would be visible to the average moviegoer.  A movie where the only element worth writing home about may be non-existent to any human besides yours truly.

            LIE WITH ME is a small movie from the twin brother team of Jamison & Jason Brandi.  The film, their second full-length feature, follows Carla (Younger), a prostitute whose specialty in the world’s oldest profession is with gentlemen in wheelchairs, as she returns home with her significant other Ian (McEvoy).  Back home, there’s crippled father Stan (Gordon), jealous younger sister Susan & terminally ill mother Deanna (Strassman).  But it’s the fifth family member who has run of the house: revulsion.

            LIE WITH ME starts interesting enough but quickly, very quickly, the film falls apart at the seams.  First, I can’t help but feel the screenplay is only 60% finished.  There are scenes where we are just dropped in the middle of conversations and are given no opportunity to catch up.  Or, if we do, the scenes abruptly end.  Plus, some of the dialogue in the serious scenes is cringe-worthy.  A fight between two people where one person says the same thing three or four times in a non-comedy is the definition of cringe-worthy.

In addition, the boyfriend/fiancé character is, I guess, supposed to be us.  At least, I think he represents us when he’s holding his tiny digital camera for some documentary he never gets into detail about.  He just doesn’t really need to be there the whole time.  The family itself is interesting but the mother is wasted.  The movie starts (I assume, since it’s never really mentioned in the movie that’s why Carla goes home) because Deanna is dying.  What she’s dying of isn’t important, or so say the filmmakers.  But we also don’t get a scene between the three women.  Even if they had no relationship, you’d think there would be something that gets either daughter in her bedroom before the rising action scene.  But we get nothing and the mother just feels useless too.  The sisters' hate/love relationship is fairly effective and their relationship to their father is the driving force of the movie.

            While the Brothers Brandi did put maximum effort into the making of the film, on a technical level, the movie is a mess sometimes.  You can have the most professional, affordable cameras; but if you can’t place them at logical or interesting angles, they’re worthless.  Most shots come from low angles with the camera tilted up.  They could be showing us what the wheelchair-bound father sees but the camera is usually too low to be that way and why in the world would we want to see the world from the perspective of that despicable human being.  Plus, serious emotional moments are amplified by jump cuts.  Very distracting.  But worse of all is the sound.  You can hear the points where the dialogue was cut during the editing process.  Unbelievably distracting.

            I get the sense that I know where the Brandi twins wanted to go with this: a serious dysfunctional family drama.  But at 84-ish minutes, there isn’t enough time to tell that story.  There is something there, begging to get out.  But with a half-finished screenplay, a broken tripod and high school film class quality sound, it appears trapped.  Just like Carla.

*1/2

5 BATMAN VS. SUPERMAN Issues More Pressing Than the #Batfleck Hire

I do not own the above image.  Copyright Warner Bros. Entertainment/DC Comics.  All rights reserved.

            For about 24 hours, Ben Affleck has been Bruce Wayne.  The reaction to the new resident of Wayne Manor has been decidedly mixed, from the indifferent to the livid to even suicidal.  Seriously, look it up on Facebook.  Am I thrilled with the hire?  Count me in the “indifferent” camp.

            While the casting of Bruce Wayne/Batman is over and controversial, BATMAN VS. SUPERMAN has much, much greater issues.  I’ve got five.

1.      Screenplay/Small Production Window

MAN OF STEEL writer & THE DARK KNIGHT trilogy co-writer David Goyer will return.  Just one problem: there are no reports of a finished first draft.  And even if there were, the release date (July 17, 2015) is less than 23 months away.  So, if there are story issues (and just about major studio release ends up with some), there will be little time to fix them.

Once the script is finished, then you need to film, edit, market and screen the film.  An indie flick needs about 6 months to do all this.  But a big budget, potential blockbuster?  The production crew will be doing double-time to reach the release date.  Plus, I’m sure Warner Bros. and any potential companies with product tie-ins will want to see a final cut before July.  At worst, BATMAN VS. SUPERMAN will have to be done & in the can by Memorial Day weekend 2015.  That’s 21 months.  Good luck.

2.      Decrease of Christopher Nolan Involvement

For anyone who watched any of the trailers knows just how important Christopher Nolan to the marketing.  “From the Producer of The Dark Knight Trilogy” was about as large as the title itself.  Zack Snyder’s name was basically hidden.  From what I understood, Nolan was on the set & over Snyder’s shoulder for a good percentage of filming.

This time around, however, Christopher Nolan has downgraded himself to Executive Producer.  How far down the food chain did Nolan fall?  His name is not on the Warner Brothers press release announcing Affleck’s hiring.  Nolan will have his hands full with his new original idea INTERSTELLAR.  So he won’t be on set or in the editing room watching…

3.      Director Zack Snyder

Confession: I HATE Zack Snyder.  Hate him.  I think he has little talent or an eye for quality.  His best received movie by critics & audiences?  A horror remake.  His personal “best” to me:300.  And I wasn’t that impressed  The rest of his filmography?  The uneven WATCHMEN, the awful SUCKER PUNCH and the rightly forgotten movie about the owls. Yuck!

            Sure, I enjoyed MAN OF STEEL.  But how much of what I enjoyed was Zack Snyder unchained and how much was Snyder on Nolan’s leash?  Sadly, we won’t find out until you purchase your ticket in two years. 

4.      Expectations

This issue has two sides and one of the sides is a double edged sword.  The target audience to impress here aren’t Superman people. It’s Batman people.  The Dark Knight Trilogy, especially the middle film, outperformed beyond anyone’s fantasies.  The Batman fanbase is as large & as active as they are ever going to be.  Nolan & Bale, in the eyes of WB, quit on them.  Studios don’t quit when they are ahead; only when the well is out of stones that make up the well (See THE HANGOVER trilogy).  Batman folks are going to expect something special.  Most fans will show up but WB hopes everyone does.

            This is where the hiring of Ben Affleck gets interesting.  Hiring Affleck puts a bonafide movie star in a comic book movie.  But that begs the question: if it weren’t for the success & subsequent inclusion of Bruce Wayne/Batman, would the world get a MAN OF STEEL sequel?  Would MAN OF STEEL have gone by way of SUPERMAN RETURNS?  This situation just screams that WB has little to no confidence in Superman.

5.      Every Other Summer 2015 Release

A few weeks ago, Brad Brevet ofRopeofSilicon.com wrote about the stacked schedule already for summer of 2015.  There will be a bloodbath at the box office.  Such potential blockbusters include STAR WARS VII, THE AVENGERS: ULTRON, PIRATES 5, ID4 II, JURASSIC PARK IV, MOCKINGJAY PART DEUX, BOND 24, FINDING DORY...  The list is endless.

            After the disaster that was the summer of 2013, the number of movies that will fail to reach a large audience in two summers with that slate may be higher than the number that succeed. 

BATMAN VS. SUPERMAN will be successful.  But with all these pre-production issues, Warner Brothers needs to hope bad press stays away.  Now that Affleck’s reputation is at an all-time high and with a majority of the fanboy backlash out of the way, it probably won’t be an issue.  Probably.

The Spectacular Now

I do not own the above image.  Copyright 21 Laps Entertainment.  All rights reserved.

            Every once in a while, a movie comes around that I don’t want to talk about before you see it.  A movie so special that referencing a single detail almost feels like spoiling the experience.  THE SPECTACULAR NOW is that.  If you’re like me & want to know as little as possible, trust me: go see this!

            Sutter (Teller) is lost in adolescence.  The product of a divorced home, Sutter has all the social pressures (partying, relationships) and academic issues we did at 17.  When Sutter meets classmate Aimee (Woodley), surely his life is turned completely upside down.  Luckily, the answer is no.

            Screenwriters Michael Weber & Scott Neustadter of (500) DAYS OF SUMMER fame understand that not everyone in the movie-going public is stupid.  They know that clichés & genre tropes are overplayed like “Blurred Lines”.  So just like they did with SUMMER, TSN goes against the grain.  Director James Ponsoldt’s film, based on a novel by Tim Tharp, is something I’ve never seen before: a teenage borderline dark comedy.  Many random chuckles were had by the preview audience.  Yours truly?  Not so much.  I just sat there for the entire 95 minute runtime with a slight frown the entire time.  TSN has a complete tent of depression on top of it.  Alcoholism

            But why only slight frown?  Simply, this movie is wonderful.  The teenagers (played by twenty-somethings) act & talk like teenagers.  The romance feels quite organic.  Every character’s relationship to each other has real sense of authenticity to them.  The two leads are perfect in their roles.  The supporting cast, including a cameo from one certain overlooked “football coach”, is superb.

            Best of all are the little things.  Little things that blockbusters or horny teenager or cookie-cutter rom-coms don’t dare have.  There is a simple dialogue scene that lasts over 2 minutes.  There are no interruptions, no fireworks and it’s done in a single shot.  What was the longest single shot in IRON MAN 3 or THE AVENGERS?  The average ticket buyer gets bored way too easily for shots like that.  Sutter & Aimee make love.  Notice I didn’t say have sex.  In the movies, when two people jump into bed together, usually you see clothes throw all over the place, breasts are shown (if the actress is ample & young enough) and the guy dances beforehand.  Here, the shot is simple.  Just two people in love, in bed, just talking.  Then the clothes slowly come off, they make-out, contraception is discussed…  In other words, this is a real love scene.  Nothing in this movie is sugar-coated.

I can’t say that the “L” word for any element or the film as a whole but TSN certainly entertained the heck out of me.  It’s a film about teenagers but not a “teen movie”.  It has romance but it’s not a “chick flick”.  THE SPECTACULAR NOW is a “human film”: the kind of movie that works on all levels and is for all (age appropriate) mankind.

****1/2

Paranoia

I do not own the above image.  Copyright Relativity Media. All right reserved.

par·a·noi·a   [par-uh-noi-uh]

noun

1. Psychiatry. A mental disorder characterized by systematized delusions and the projection of personal conflicts, which are ascribed to the supposed hostility of others, sometimes progressing to disturbances of consciousness and aggressive acts believed to be performed in self-defense or as a mission.

2. baseless or excessive suspicion of the motives of others.

            Above is the Dictionary.com definition of paranoia.  PARANOIA has little to do with paranoia.  Sure Adam (Hemsworth) is paranoid for about 10 minutes in the second-to-third act bridge, but not nearly enough for PARANOIA.

            Adam has just lost his & 4 co-workers’ jobs at Wyatt Corporation.  After a night out on the town with a company credit card, Adam is “rehired” by Wyatt (Oldman) to commit corporate by spying on rival Eikon, run by Wyatt’s frenemy Jock Goddard (Ford).  To complicate things, one of Adam’s co-workers is Emma (Heard), his one night stand during his night out.

            Cutting to the chase, PARANOIA is the worst kind of movie: a boring movie.  Name a cliché and this movie has it.  Kinetic dance club scene?  Check.  Seeing the love interest across a loud, crowded room?  Yes.  Shady guy in a track suit in a bar scene?  Of course.  Bedroom scenes where they cover themselves up as to retain the PG-13 rating?  Si.  God awful dialogue?  During all 100 minutes.

            PARANOIA has little to offer in the relationship department.  The best one is Hemsworth/Dreyfuss as father/son, but since everyone over 30 is phoning it in, it’s nothing to write online about.  Oldman’s Wyatt is written so blandly that even he despises himself and Ford’s Goddard has a weird thing going with his cell phones.  Heard’s Emma is nothing more than set decoration.  She & Hemsworth are a couple simply because they are the two prettiest & horniest people on screen.

            I have to say it: Liam Hemsworth, unlike older brother Chris, is not leading man material.  He’s not Taylor Lautner terrible, but there is nothing there beyond average line delivery & facial expressions.  Hemsworth is who he will always be know as: third-fiddle to JLaw & JHutch in THE HUNGER GAMES.

            I spent the entire movie wondering who was paranoid to satisfy the title.  It’s obviously not Wyatt or Goddard.  What do the villains have to be worried about?  Sure Adam’s dad is worried about his emphysema, but paranoid, not really.  Adam’s BFF?  He’s a throwaway character, so no.  As I said before, Emma is completely useless, so not her.

It has to be Adam.  But Adam only freaks out after finding out the apartment Wyatt gives him is bugged like Fort Knox.  But what about when Wyatt tells him he knew Adam spent $1,600 in one night?  Or the time Adam was discovered in the middle of New York by Wyatt to escort him to the “interview”?  Maybe the “answer my calls without exception” rule would have raised red flags.  At the very least, the realization that Wyatt KNEW HIS EVERY MOVE AND WAS LISTENING TO EVERY WORD AND INFULTRATED HIS HOUSE would be the tipping point.  Nope, the Big Brother apartment crossed the line.  Then, all is mostly forgotten after one scene in the park.  That is, of course, if it isn’t the audience who suffers.  Were we duped into seeing another bad, would-be star making movie?  Maybe I’ve been suffering from paranoia for almost a decade…

So why a half star instead of zero?  To quote Richard Roeper reviewing THE HOT CHICK, “It’s in color.  And it’s mostly in focus.”  The cliché record keeping was a blast in retrospect.

            PARANOIA is like a car you can win on The Price is Right.  There is just enough story to be considered a movie.  But if you’re looking for any “extras” like power windows or any actual thrills, you’re out of luck.

½*

We're the Millers

I do not own the above image. Copyright Warner Bros. Pictures. All rights reserved.

                Let’s say you’re a drug dealer in Colorado.  You’ve just lost your entire stash and funds.  You’re in deep.  But you’re offered a chance to break even with your supplier if you trek down to Mexico to retrieve more drugs.  What do you do?  You hire a stripper, a runaway and a nerd in your building to pose as your family to retrieve the “smidge” of pot.

            That’s exactly what David Clark (Sudekis) does.  With the newly single/unemployed/homeless stripper Rose (Aniston), teen runaway Casey (Roberts), nerdy, virgin hanger-on Kenny (Poulter) and a brand new RV, they travel together, masquerading as a family.  Their mission is simple: sneak into Mexico, get the stash and sneak back to Colorado.

            The journey is far from simple.  The “Miller family” battles other drug kingpins over the deal.  They also constantly run into a typical Midwest American family anchored by Ron Swanson (fine, Nick Offerman).  Not to mention, David deals with his extremely uncooperative drug lord and his increasing ridiculous requests.

            I know, 150+ words but I never answer the all important question: Is it funny?  Simply put, yes and at times, uproariously funny.  But don’t let the “family” element fool you, WE’RE THE MILLERS earns its ‘R’ rating.  Swearing out the wazoo with innuendos every 90 seconds on average, WE’RE THE MILLERS has a perfect situation for an ‘R’ rating, unlike another ‘R’ rated “comedy” in 2013, whose IDENTITY shall remain unknown.

            Directed by Rawson Marshall Thurber of DODGEBALL fame, MILLERS does lag for a while multiple times.  The introductions to the primary villains are almost minimal but the villains themselves are rather pathetic.  I am not against a movie having multiple antagonists, but they must be of quality & near equal in terror.  A gag reel straight out of the mid/late 90’s, while featuring the two biggest laughs of the night, lessened the preceding movie.

            Luckily, there are plenty of laughs to garner a recommendation.  The material, especially anything involving the bad guys, falters occasionally; but when a movie surprises me, I admit it.  I had zero expectations.  It’s a comedy and I laughed, a lot.  Enough said.

***1/2

WILD GIRL WALTZ

I do not own the above image. Copyright Levrock Pictures.  All rights reserved.

                I have reached the next level in my amateur film critic hobby-dom.  A few weeks ago, I got an email from an independent movie studio executive asking me to review his movie.  When I could, I watched it with my wife.  During the whole 82 minute runtime, I felt conflicted.  Conflicted about how the professionals do this.  How are they able to write reviews of movies they are given?  How are they able to be truthful about a movie that they know the person who sent you the movie WILL be reading their review?  Are they able to really beat down a bad movie?  Is this something I have to learn as I embark on this odyssey of film criticism?  Here goes nothing.

            WILD GIRL WALTZ has the basics of being a decent comedy.  Two young women are bored on a picturesque New England summer day.  They decide to each take a drug one of the women got from a co-worker.  They start tripping out.  Their boyfriend/brother has to make sure they survive.  Surely this is going allow hilarity to ensue?  Not really.

            I have a theory about movie comedies.  There is a realism spectrum for comedies.  On one end you have “100% realistic” on the other is “100% absurdly ridiculous”.  To be a successful comedy, you should be close to either end of the spectrum but not on the edge.  Most Wes Anderson movies are on the realistic end of the spectrum, while most other modern successful comedies are on the ridiculous end.  Right in the middle, you have Adam Sandler movies and you know how those are.  WILD GIRL WALTZ starts at around 65% absurd but moves closer to the center quickly.

            Don’t get me wrong, I remember laughing.  After a (very) rough start, there are 20 nice minutes where the three main characters do some interesting things.  I started writing this review about 7 hours after it ended.  I just don’t remember one thing I laughed at.

I also don’t remember laughing at all during the last 55 minutes.  All I remember is sitting on my futon, just like I am now, and have nothing to positively react to.  WGW is full of little scenes that make little to no sense while they happen and look like terrible SNL skits afterwards.  An early scene deals with the girls’ “babysitter” trying to collect a debt.  The debt is never mentioned again.  Another scene involves a woman being knocked out for attempting to steal from the guy’s truck.  Makes little sense and doesn’t advance the plot.  The movie also goes on a love story tangent ala FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF.  It worked there, but doesn’t here.

            But for those 20 glorious minutes, the movie tries and somewhat succeeds.  There is plenty of potential here.  This looks more professional than most current blockbusters.  The material & consistency just isn’t there.  WILD GIRL WALTZ just deflates like a cheap beach ball.  Then suffocates you with its dullness.

*

Olympus Has Fallen

I do not own the above image. For entertainment purposes only.  Copyright Millennium Films.  All rights reserved.

                Pro-American patriotism in movies has existed for about as long as movies have existed.  At first, most were war propaganda movies but over time the subtlety slightly dropped until the Reagan years when moved more towards individual non- or former-military American superiority.  OLYMPUS HAS FALLEN continues in this tradition, even adding a new, hypocritical layer to the system.

                Mike Banning (Butler) was at one time President Benjamin Asher’s (Eckhart) Secret Service right hand man.  Eighteen months after a tragic accident, Banning is behind a desk, relegated to the sidelines of the sidelines.  While Banning receives a little respect from his fellow agents, his marriage is falling apart.  Everything changes when the Prime Minister of South Korea arrives in town.  Soon after arriving, the President, the VP, Cabinet members, the PM and his security detail are all trapped in the White House’s (or is it Whitehouse?) underground bunker.

                Director Antoine Fuqua’s most ambitious project to date, OLYMPUS features a terrorist plot that makes the heist in OCEAN’S ELEVEN look like a the robbery at the end of FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH.  First-time screenwriters Creighton Rothenberger & Katrin Benedikt go all out, sometimes needlessly so, throwing in double-crosses, aircraft w/ anti-anti-aircraft flares and even armed & armored garbage trucks.  This operation would make the IRA blush and say, “Whoa, guys!  Tone it down a little.”

                The star-studded cast didn’t disappoint, least of all, star/producer Gerard Butler as Agent Banning.  Butler takes the second half of the movie and has his way with it.  To paraphrase my best college friend, “The last half is like DIE HARD and RAMBO had a kid.  Then that kid started taking drugs at age five.”  Aaron Eckhart is a great President of the United States, playing cool confidence better than most.  The rest of the cast including Morgan Freeman, Angela Bassett and an (at least to me) unrecognizable Melissa Leo are solid.

                But OLYMPUS has a few glaring issues.  First, there is what I would like to call “written exposition”.  And what I mean by that is that many places and people are introduced to us by medium-sized white text in the bottom left corner of the screen.  For instance, the first time we meet many members of the executive & legislative branches, such as Freeman & Leo, we see “Speaker Trumbull” or “Defense Secretary Ruth McMillan” in said text.  Even the obvious stuff is labeled, such as a scene where the enemy’s plane veers left and we see beautiful Washington D.C.  But do we know this because we recognize the Washington Monument & the U.S. Capitol Building or because of the “Washington D.C.” text on the screen?  The filmmakers assume you and I are complete morons! 

                But what really bugged me was something I would like to call faux-patriotism.  I understand that the power & ingenuity of individual Americans is what makes America great.  But do we really need the obligatory “stupid police/military officer”, especially since the General never showed any of this trait until the helicopter rescue attempt.  Showing a man who dedicated his life to his country acting like a fool when his country needs him most?  And yes, the Secret Service is selfless and heroic.  But why is one of the enemies an ex-Agent who shows little to no signs of animosity towards the President or his colleagues?  Greed is the American way nowadays, but to cash in by selling out your country?  God bless America indeed.

                But two elements really ground my gears.  First, no respect to Mr. Butler, but why is the hero played by a Scotsman?!?!  I know that many heroes have been played by foreigners, but if a similar movie coming out this summer can get Channing Tatum, surely Fuqua could have gotten a fellow American?  To paraphrase Chris Rock: if Denzel isn’t available, wait!

Second, and more egregious offense, the visual effects.  It’s bad enough that the effects work is awful.  It took everything I had not to howl when the enemy plane crashed into the cheap looking Washington Monument, whose collapse momentarily resembled one of the Twin Towers.  The CGI flag left me Did I say cheap effects?  That’s because they were created by a company in BULGARIA!  Seriously!  Check the credits.  Sofia, Bulgaria!

Those are just the large issues.  OLYMPUS contains some truly ridiculous things.  Like anti-aircraft weapons THAT RISE FROM THE ROOF OF THE WHITE HOUSE!  South Koreans are able to crack anything, even the President’s nuclear code, despite the fact that they couldn't crack the codes of two lower officials.  And did you know the White House is able to track whether or not a Secret Service Agent is alive or not?

I could go on forever but 800 words is 775 too many for this mediocre, at best, action movie.  OLYMPUS wears its patriotism on its sleeve but constantly wipes its filthy hands with it.  As thrilling as the last half is at times, there are too many things to ruin the fun.

*1/2

Second Time's the Charm?: Precious, Based on the Novel "Push" by Saphire, Queen of the Desert: Part II, The Quickening

I do not own the above image.  Copyright Lionsgate.  All rights reserved.  For entertainment purposes only.

                Every year, there is usually a Best Picture nominee I disagree with.  Some disagreements are small, like LIFE OF PI this year.  A few are huge, like BEASTS OF THE SOUTHERN WILD.  In 2009, PRECIOUS, BASED ON THE NOVEL “PUSH” BY SAPHIRE (pretentious much?) took Sundance by storm, followed by the rest of the country in November.  It came to my neck of the woods on the first weekend of December.  You would be hard pressed to find someone who hated the movie more.

                PRECIOUS is a movie about a brutally beaten, abused and lonely teenager Precious Jones (Gabourey Sidibe) living with her mother Mary (Mo’Nique), the welfare queen Ronald Reagan warned us about.  Precious is pregnant (again), raped by her father, sent to an alternative school, is the butt of all jokes about her obesity and will be diagnosed with HIV.  How could this movie be anything but depressing?

                I saw the movie for a second time about three weeks.  And it really is two different movies: one where Mary Jones runs rampant and one where she doesn’t exist.  The latter is just marvelous.  We find out who Precious is.  She is fairly intelligent and loving.  Precious is the type of young lady who would thrive under normal circumstances.  Alas, Precious lives a depressing and torturous life.  All because of her mother.

Just to cut the chase, Mary Jones is a reprehensible thing.  To call her a human is an insult to the bacteria that causes the common cold in human beings.  She runs her household & family like a tyrant.  Mary is the worst kind of villain: one who has no redeeming quality.  No matter how terrible a villain is, we can really say something positive about them.  Hannibal Lector, Dr. Strangelove & Col. Hans Landa all have one thing in common: they are all geniuses.  Mary Jones is a fat, fugly, rude, egotistical bitch.  She is the kind of character, and I use that term loosely for this one note wench, who deserves nothing.  Which makes the final scene even more reprehensible.

Mary meets with Precious and their social worker in the office in order to get her assistance back.  In the scene, Mary spills her guts, talking about everything from the relationship she had with Precious’ father/baby daddy.  She goes into detail about when the bond between herself & Precious, which is only barely covered by pictures during one of the numerous beatings of her daughter, went sour.  In short, Precious was first abused at two or three while Mary & Precious’ father were in the middle of lovemaking.  And Mary, after unsuccessfully (half-assedly) trying to stop it, Mary GETS JEALOUS OF HER DAUGHTER GETTING HER MAN’S ATTENTION!!!  Instead of stopping the discussion, the social worker weakly allows Satan to finish.  And boy, does she finish!  Mary asks for SYMPATHY.  Specifically, she asks “Who’s going to love me?”  With all the truly reprehensible things she has done, including throwing a TV at her daughter and grandson, she gets a chance at redemption.  We all know she wasn’t going to get redeemed, but the fact that the novelist Saphire, screenwriter Geoffrey Fletcher & director Lee Daniels would have the audacity of having this monologue and that final line is a joke.  A truly unfunny, worthless, time-wasting joke.

Needless to say, PRECIOUS is not a movie I will ever love.  It has elements and the potential to be loved.  But when I discover a character that is so pathetic & worthless, I regret wasting time and bytes talking about her.  I hope never to think about Mary Jones, or any woman like her who supposedly exists in the real world, ever again.

*1/2