I do not own the above image. Copyright Warner Bros. Pictures. All Rights Reserved.
It was around this time last year that
I saw a movie meant as a fun excuse for a girls’ night. The movie shall remain nameless (THE OTHER
WOMAN…dammit…) but the sentiment won’t: women are moviegoers too and deserve
quality movies for them. So, on a
weekend where the guys get to fawn over their comics coming to life on the big
screen again, the ladies get HOT PURSUIT.
What an unfair trade.
Officer Cooper (Witherspoon) is
tasked with protecting the wife of a potential witness in the arrest of a drug
kingpin. But the wife, Daniella
(Vergara), is having none of it. But
after the murder of Daniella’s husband and Cooper’s US Marshall partner by
dueling assassins, the ladies go on the run.
And hilarity ensues! It a perfect world, that is the case. Unfortunately, this a world co-created by a
staff writer on According to Jim and the writer of AQUAMARINE & MATERIAL
GIRLS directed by the choreographer-turned-director of STEP UP and 27 DRESSES. So, it should come as no surprise that the
jokes are such lowbrow topics as a woman’s love of shoes, a man’s love of
lesbianism, granny panties and a lengthy discussion of Sofia Vergara’s menstrual
cycle. I remember laughing not a single
time at all the slapstick and half-assed attempts at adult humor. There are numerous occasions where jokes
about sex are cut off mid sentence so as to not set off the MPAA Ratings Board
in order to keep the PG-13 rating.
I have no large issue with Sofia
Vergara. I quite enjoy her on Modern
Family. In the little spurts we get of
her on Wednesday nights, she can be very funny.
Here, she is nothing short of awful.
As a co-lead in a motion picture, her lack of coherence goes from an
amusing little gag to a giant, headache-inducing annoyance. The fact that English is Vergara’s second
language works as a joke on television but is destructive when it is occurs
while telling a joke.
There are a few moments where
Witherspoon shows us why she has an Academy Award winner. Not because anything she does here is awards
worthy, but instead because we see her try really hard to get this less-than-buoyant
movie afloat. Her Texas accent is so
over the top that with minisculely better material, a significant portion of
the movie might actually work.
Witherspoon needs to stay away from toxic screenplays like this. Luckily, it appears she is going back to
Alexander Payne next. Finally, something
& someone worthy of her enormous talent.
There is one little element to the movie
that does work. During the opening
credits sequence, we see young Officer Cooper in the backseat of her father’s
police cruiser, idolizing him as he goes about his business ethically. It is in this simple, two-minute montage that
the movie presents a false sense of hope that this movie could be anything
other than horrible. But all is quickly
downhill from there until we reach the joyless, boring third act that takes
place at the recently released drug kingpin’s daughter’s quinceanera. This forced finale lacks any tension
whatsoever since it wants to be played without comedy, none of the villains are
developed beyond the caricature stage and climax with a scene featuring a villain
only seen in television news clips up until that point.
HOT PURSUIT ends up as a disastrous,
“Girls’ Night Out” wannabe movie. With
its 87 minute runtime, it’s barely a movie.
With its cutoff, overlong & failed jokes, it’s barely a comedy. With Sophia Vergara as a co-lead, it’s barely
comprehensible. With yours truly as a
paying customer, I’m barely sane after this experience. With the target audience (hopefully) saving
their money for PITCH PERFECT 2 next week, it’ll barely get noticed at the box
office and deservedly so. Ladies, you
*still* deserve better.
*
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