I do not own the above image. Copyright Warner Bros. Pictures. All rights reserved.
Going to
the movies should be a comforting experience.
An air-conditioned, dark room with a flickering light flying above
you. A comfy seat to sit in with popcorn
in your lap & a drink in the cup holder to your right. The horny teenagers seated in front of you
not caring if you see them about to go at it.
But what if
the experience isn’t satisfying? What if
the movie projected by the light from above is a dud? What if the movie is a remake/reboot/sequel/shameless cash grab of a funny 30 year old movie? What if the jokes…weren’t funny?!?!
Budget
airline pilot Rusty Griswald (Helms) wants to take his family on a GREAT
vacation. Instead of going to the cabin
like they’ve done every year, Rusty plans to relive the trip of a lifetime from
childhood: Walley World. Renting a car
& dragging his wife Debbie (Applegate) and their two boys along for the
ride in a goofy rental car. Along the
way, they have detours at Deb’s sorority, Rusty’s sister's ranch and Four Corners
National Park. And not a single moment
is enjoyable, funny or touching.
If you’ve
been alive & own a television the past three weeks, you’ve been seeing ads
for VACATION. One in particular features
a throwback to the scene in the 1983 original where Christie Brinkley drives
alongside the Griswold station wagon in a red convertible & flirts with
Clark that led to a fascinating & humorous subplot. Today, it’s still a red convertible but the
young lady is a random blonde & the scene ends with her running head on
into a semi truck. That scene is the
perfect representation of everything wrong with this movie and the reboot/remake culture in the film industry in general. Writers/first-time directors John Francis
Daley & Jonathan Goldstein have such reverence for the original that they
know exactly how to hit the nostalgia chords in its fans by making specific
references. But the references add
nothing to the very weak story.
VACATION is
not about the Griswold family trying to enjoy a road trip vacation. The movie centers on the boring relationship
of Rusty & Debbie. The family goes
from set piece to set piece but the story always centers on Debbie complaining
about how her life & marriage has gone limp and leaves the boys as two of
the many forgettable side characters.
And the only people more bored than Debbie with their marriage are the
paying customers in the movie theatre.
Daley & Goldstein, after all the references to the original, don’t
understand what made the original beloved: a family’s ability to bond over the
trials & tribulations of a road trip family vacation. Instead, we get Debbie whining in private to
the oblivious Rusty. Good times!
How do you
make Leslie Mann unfunny? How do Chevy
Chase & Beverly D’Angelo appear in a movie together & not make me
chuckle? I’ve laughed at Christina Applegate
in the past. I’ve howled at Ed Helms
too. So much comedic talent like Charlie
Day, Ron Livingston & Keegan-Michael Key in supporting roles are wasted as none of their
characters or any character for that matter are the least bit funny or
interesting. All blame for this movie’s
failure lies at the feet of Daley & Goldstein as writers. A majority of the humor is of the sophomoric
variety with scenes involving puking, swimming in raw sewage and the
misunderstanding of sex terms. They set
out to make an ‘R’-rated movie but didn’t use the rating to its full
potential. All they did was add expletives
to childish PG-13 situations to appease the 10 & 13-year-olds next to me. The Estate of John Hughes should have sued
for making a movie this juvenile with his baby.
VACATION is
a lifeless, joyless exercise in stupid: Stupid characters, stupid situations,
and stupid “humor” for stupid ticket buyers.
I’m waiting for the day when an audience will revolt against a movie
that insults their intelligence.
VACATION should have been a movie for those who saw the original on cable
at age 7 in 1986 and has his first night out in a while with his wife w/o the
kids. Instead, the movie was made for
his kids. And the movie is too stupid
for its target audience.
1/2*
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