Photo copyright of Vestron Pictures (via top-10.org) I do not own the above image. For entertainment purposes only.
For as
long as I have been a film buff, there have been movies I have avoided like the
plague. Last night, I decided to watch
one. With my wife by my side, we
live-tweeted it as well as ate dinner while watching. By the end of the movie, it was a miracle
that we didn’t have two broken computers, dents in the walls and DiGiorno pizza
on the floor.
Dirty
Dancing follows Frances “Baby” I-could-care-less-what-her-last-name-is as she
spends three weeks at a (not so) high-class Jewish resort. There, she meets and falls for Johnny Castle,
a lead dancer at the resort. If you are
reading this, you know what happens and a lot of you love it.
In this
paragraph, I usually say what I enjoyed about the movie. All I can think of is the fact that it is
only 100 minutes long so not exactly a night ruiner, if you didn’t despise the
movie with every fiber of your being.
The simplest
reason to hate Dirty Dancing is to call it boring. No, not the story, the filmmaking style. There are long, awkward takes with film
techniques that are below standard. I’m
talking below high school news broadcast standards. There is a shot where Baby and her sister are
lying in bed just talking. The scene
lasts at least 25 seconds. There are no
edits and Baby can barely be seen while her sister is only decently lit. There is also a scene where after Johnny
& Baby have sex in the dance studio (?) and they talk about Johnny’s sexual
history. On numerous occasions, the rain
hitting the roof is louder than the dialogue.
I swear at times we were watching a nature documentary being interrupted
by a bland chick flick.
There
were only two times where I felt an emotion other than boredom. The first was sadness in the little scene
between Johnny (Patrick Swayze) & Baby’s daddy (Jerry Orbach). Two talented people taken too early, just
heartbreaking.
The
second, though, was disdain. Disdain for
the movie. I already knew about the
smuhsmortion subplot. The tastelessness,
however, we didn’t. First, if you are
going to have the subplot, just say the damn word, abortion. There, was that so f#$%ing hard. Second, the money exchange being used as a
sort of initiation device by the character undergoing the procedure, just
classy screenwriter. Third, to add that
it is nearly botched and Baby’s daddy needs to intervene just screams desperate
for conflict. Fourth, final and most
offensive, Johnny & Baby end up in the sack together BECAUSE OF THEIR BOND
AFTER THE EVENTS SURROUNDING THE EXCHANGE OF MONEY, THE PROCEDURE AND DADDY’S
EXPERTISE IN SAVING HER REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM!!!!
Isn’t that the most romantic and special way for a girl to lose her
virginity? Seriously, ladies…
Combine
all of this with the sub-standard and annoying supporting characters, and the
fact that Jennifer Grey can’t act or dance (a real feat for the daughter of
Oscar-winning choreographer & director Joel Grey), Dirty Dancing was one of the most miserable &
irritating movie experiences I will have in my lifetime. How almost 25 years after its release, it even
exists as a screenplay let alone actually filmed and exists on any medium. Seriously, the complete cut of Fritz Lang’s
Metropolis was missing for almost 90 years.
Couldn’t this have had a similar fate?
No comments:
Post a Comment