Saturday, January 7, 2012

You Love It, I Watched It: Dirty Dancing





Photo copyright of Vestron Pictures (via top-10.org) I do not own the above image.  For entertainment purposes only.



                For as long as I have been a film buff, there have been movies I have avoided like the plague.  Last night, I decided to watch one.  With my wife by my side, we live-tweeted it as well as ate dinner while watching.  By the end of the movie, it was a miracle that we didn’t have two broken computers, dents in the walls and DiGiorno pizza on the floor.
                Dirty Dancing follows Frances “Baby” I-could-care-less-what-her-last-name-is as she spends three weeks at a (not so) high-class Jewish resort.  There, she meets and falls for Johnny Castle, a lead dancer at the resort.  If you are reading this, you know what happens and a lot of you love it.
                In this paragraph, I usually say what I enjoyed about the movie.  All I can think of is the fact that it is only 100 minutes long so not exactly a night ruiner, if you didn’t despise the movie with every fiber of your being.
                The simplest reason to hate Dirty Dancing is to call it boring.  No, not the story, the filmmaking style.  There are long, awkward takes with film techniques that are below standard.  I’m talking below high school news broadcast standards.  There is a shot where Baby and her sister are lying in bed just talking.  The scene lasts at least 25 seconds.  There are no edits and Baby can barely be seen while her sister is only decently lit.  There is also a scene where after Johnny & Baby have sex in the dance studio (?) and they talk about Johnny’s sexual history.  On numerous occasions, the rain hitting the roof is louder than the dialogue.  I swear at times we were watching a nature documentary being interrupted by a bland chick flick.
                There were only two times where I felt an emotion other than boredom.  The first was sadness in the little scene between Johnny (Patrick Swayze) & Baby’s daddy (Jerry Orbach).  Two talented people taken too early, just heartbreaking.
                The second, though, was disdain.  Disdain for the movie.  I already knew about the smuhsmortion subplot.  The tastelessness, however, we didn’t.  First, if you are going to have the subplot, just say the damn word, abortion.  There, was that so f#$%ing hard.  Second, the money exchange being used as a sort of initiation device by the character undergoing the procedure, just classy screenwriter.  Third, to add that it is nearly botched and Baby’s daddy needs to intervene just screams desperate for conflict.  Fourth, final and most offensive, Johnny & Baby end up in the sack together BECAUSE OF THEIR BOND AFTER THE EVENTS SURROUNDING THE EXCHANGE OF MONEY, THE PROCEDURE AND DADDY’S EXPERTISE IN SAVING HER REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM!!!!  Isn’t that the most romantic and special way for a girl to lose her virginity?  Seriously, ladies…
                Combine all of this with the sub-standard and annoying supporting characters, and the fact that Jennifer Grey can’t act or dance (a real feat for the daughter of Oscar-winning choreographer & director Joel Grey), Dirty Dancing was one of the most miserable & irritating movie experiences I will have in my lifetime.  How almost 25 years after its release, it even exists as a screenplay let alone actually filmed and exists on any medium.  Seriously, the complete cut of Fritz Lang’s Metropolis was missing for almost 90 years.  Couldn’t this have had a similar fate?

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