Remember
when Sacha Baron Cohen used to be someone who was a joy to watch? Da Ali G Show was a sensation a decade ago
& his 2006 comedy BORAT is still one of the funniest things I’ve ever
seen. He’s had supporting roles in other
movies but nothing has reached the heights as that. But now, Cohen seems to have hit rock bottom.
Cohen plays
Nobby, a poor, uneducated father of 11 in the poor fishing town of Grimsby,
pining for the day he is reunited with his little brother who was adopted after
their parents died. Following a tip, Nobby
finds Sebastian (Strong), an assassin for a secretive arm of MI6, &
promptly makes him an international fugitive.
Before I go
off on a tangent & give this movie the beat down it deserves, I want to
make clear that there are some laughs here.
I genuinely laughed six times in 85 minutes, including twice where my
wife & I were the only people in the theatre laughing. I guess the target audience would have no
clue what Chernobyl & Manchester United are.
The rest of
the movie, written by Cohen, Phil Johnston & Peter Baynham, is truly
repugnant. I shouldn’t do this but I
really, really don’t want you to see movie but I’m going to list a bunch of the
attempts of humor & you let me know if any of these are funny: Rebel Wilson
queefing, faking Leukemia for welfare checks, wrapping a pool in a condom &
hit a SWAT team member in the balls, watch an AIDS sufferer get shot in the
shoulder & have blood splatter enter a fake Daniel Radcliffe’s mouth, an
Oscar nominee being seduced in a case of mistaken identity, sucking venom out
of your brother’s testicle. I’ll just
stop there. I can’t stand to think about
things I can’t unsee.
The cast
astonishes me. What in the world is Oscar
winner Penelope Cruz doing in this junk?
After this & ZOOLANDER 2, she may want to rethink her
representation. Mark Strong had a great
supporting role last year in KINGSMEN. I
understand he deserves a chance to be the lead in a spy movie, but he deserves
something better than this. Ian McShane
is the head of the spy organization & has about five lines. I’m curious as to what was cut & just how
bad it was to make this movie only 83 minutes long.
I understand
I might have grown out of this type of comedy and that this movie is not for
me. But I honestly question anyone who
finds absolute joy in sitting in a theatre & watching two grown men sitting
inside an elephant’s ovulating vagina as it gets penetrated by multiple male
elephants. Just pathetic.
½*
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